Kurokophilia
by Hexagonistic
Summary: Noun: An obsessive and irrepressible affection towards one Kuroko Tetsuya.  In which Kagami confesses too early in the game, and pays quite the dire price for it.  attempted!Kagami/Kuroko with past!Teikou/Kuroko


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_Kurokophilia_  
>_<strong>h<strong>ex

Noun: An obsessive and irrepressible affection towards one Kuroko Tetsuya. In which Kagami confesses too early in the game, and pays quite the dire price for it. attempted!Kagami/Kuroko with past!Teikou/Kuroko

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"Hey Kuroko, so I've been thinking... well... it's been a while..." Kagami Taiga trailed off, grinning weakly at his reflection. "_Argh_!" he raged, pounding a fist against the mirror, "Why is it always so damn awkward?"

"Why is what always so awkward?" Kuroko asked.

"Confessing!" Kagami grumbled back. And then stopped. And stared at his teammate. "...You didn't just hear that," he muttered, flushing and turning away. After a couple seconds, he whipped his head around only to see - why yes but of course - Kuroko still standing there, nonplussed. "How long have you been here?" He asked finally.

"Since you tried to write your confession on a basketball," Kuroko flatly replied.

Kagami wondered if the coach would actually reanimate him if he decided to take the easy way out and just commit suicide.

"I don't mind," Kuroko said softly, while Kagami was busy formulating the most brilliant plan of offing himself _ever_.

"Huh?" Kagami very intelligent grunted. "What was that?"

"I said..." Kuroko tried again, cheek tinted with a slight hue of red, "that I didn't mind. Being your boyfriend that is."

Kagami didn't pass out - he was more of a man than _that_. However, he did hear a chorus of angels and he did jump into the air like a seven-year-old girl. Kuroko smiled, in his odd little way, cheeks still a little red, but Kagami was simply too on top of the whole entire world to actually _care_.

That was the easy part.

The two of them soon learned, however, that news sure travelled fast, as they were accosted by a tearful Kise as soon as they exited the locker room.

"Kurokocchi~~~" the blond-haired basketball star wailed, arms flailing and crocodile tears flowing. "I can't believe you would be so _unfaithful_!"

"Unfaithful...?" Kuroko echoed, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!" Kise sniffled dramatically, "UNFAITHFUL TO US. What about that tiem I lent you my water bottle? Or those second string basketball players we helped coach together? Or that time we shared an ice cream cone?" With the last memory, Kise narrowed his eyes and lunged at the smaller player, arms outstretched.

Kuroko, of course, having the reflezes of a basketball player, easily side-stepped.

Kise landed ungracefully in a pile on the ground, cheeping yellow birdies circling his head.

"What was that about?" Kagami asked, disturbed and bemused to say the least.

"Ah, well, everyone has one or two pieces of baggage, no?" Kuroko easily replied. Kagami was about to debate that - particularly because he had little to no pieces of 'baggage' (with the exception of Himuro, who _totally did not count_) - but Midorima stepped casually out of the street corner then.

"Kuroko," Midorima said as a ways of greeting; Kagami twitched at being ignored altogether. "I must say, as a previous teammate, it is absolutely shameless of you to engage in such... _relations_." He let the word drip, curling his lip in a clear measure of disgust. His long eyelashes flashed, as his gaze moved to Kagami.

"What, do you have a - " Kagami started, before being silenced by Kuroko putting up a hand.

"Midorima-kun," he began, choosing his words carefully, "I understand that you have strong opinions about this, but in the end, the decision lies in my hands."

"But of course," Midorima sniffed, two fingers pressing up his glasses, as he shot another angry glare at Kagami, "I simply hope you understand the sheer ridiculousness of your choice!"

He walked away with a huff, muttering about gods and luck and the such.

Kuroko resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

The two of them did not manage another step towards either of their homes before Momoi _leaped_ out of the bushes, a terrifying gleam in her eye.

"Tetsu-ku~u~u~un!" she pouted, making full use of her well-endowed chest and lovely curved figure, "I can't believe you would abandon all of us to go to Seirin and then _date_ someone from there!" She was, but of course, on the verge of tears, and Kuroko just barely refrained from pushing her away.

"Tetsu-kun!" she declared, crossing her arms and staring hard at the Love of Her Life, "I, Momoi Satsuki, _demand_ you break up with that terrible basketball player!" And she angrily pointed a finger in Kagami's general direction.

"Wait, what?" Kagami interrupted, enraged, "I am _not_ a terrible basketball player!"

"Of course not, Kagami-kun," Kuroko agreed.

Momoi pouted, crossing her arms ever-tighter.

"Woah, what do we have here?" Aomine Daiki exclaimed, raising an eyebrow - having waltzed out from yet another random corner. Momoi, having seen an opportunity to steal Kuroko back, jumped towards her classmate, huffily saying:

"The two of them," and here, she vaguely gestured to Kagami and Kuroko, "Are _dating_!" She huffed again, crossing her arms once more, "I can't believe them! And Tetsu-kun wouldn't break it off when I asked him to!"

"Really?" Aomine questioned, looking the apparent couple up and down. "Tetsu, really?"

Kuroko nodded - and Kagami heard the heavenly chorus again... only to have it crashing down seconds later.

"Bad choice, seriously," Aomine responded, rolling his eyes and _magically_ pulling out a basketball from behind his back, "Tetsu, I know everyone else on your team totally _sucks_, but that doesn't mean you have to go for such crappy - "

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko interrupted, shooting the other a _glance_.

"And besides!" Kagami roared, "I am _sick_ and _tired_ of _everyone_ telling me that I'm a crappy basketball player! I'll play you anytime, anyday - and beat you so hard you'll go back to Touou in tears!"

Momoi looked like she would very well go back to Touou in tears, match or no.

Kuroko rolled his eyes.

Aomine, of course, rose to the challenge. "Oh yeah? Then let's play another one-on-one and I'll show you how basketball is _really_ played!"

"Kagami-kun, it's getting late," Kuroko interjected, "It was nice seeing you... Aomine-kun, Momoi-san." He casually waved the two slack-jawed students good-bye, dragging Kagami along with him.

"Okay, seriously?" Kagami muttered, running a hand through his red hair, "Is it just me, or did you seriously have some super special relationship with every single freaking person on the Teikou team?"

"Well - " Kuroko attempted to respond, but then Murasakibara landed with a 'thump!' on the ground.

Kagami looked up, but did not see _anything_ that the other could have dropped from. He did not know why he was surprised, as the day had been filled with more physics-defying moments than a remake of Super Fantasical Magical Yaiba Adventures.

"Stop right there," he commanded, putting his hand forth.

Kuroko stopped, and Kagami seriously wondered who the hell else would be unable to read the situation like Kuroko.

"Kuroko-kun," Murasakibara started, "If you break up with that miserable excuse of a basketball player - "

" - _AGAIN_ with the basketball jibes? - " Kagami ranted.

" - then I will give you a packet of my super-exclusive Tarepanda gummy bears," Murasakibara concluded, smiling triumphantly.

"Ah, well..." Kuroko started, edging towards the gummies.

"Hell no," Kagami groaned, grabbing the other's wrist - much to the rage and fury of his ex-teammate (and, for all intensive purposes, probably ex-boyfriend) - and dragging the self-proclaimed 'shadow' a couple steps closer to either of their houses.

"Tetsuya," a silky voice wafted after they had gone no more than thirty feet.

Kagami rolled his eyes as the captain of the Teikou team, the red-haired Akashi Seijuuro, literally materialized out of nowhere.

"How _dare_ you choose that _loser_ over I," he proclaimed, striding forth and cupping his ex-teammate's chin. "You should know that I will allow no one else in the _world_ to cut your hair!" And he pulled a pair of scissors from nowhere, twirling them with a deadly and expert grace - eyes flashing.

Kagami could literally see the 'danger!' and 'insane moron!' signs flashing - repeatedly - in the background.

It was Kuroko, this time, that dragged Kagami away from the creepy.

"What the hell was that?" Kagami demanded, after they had confirmed that Akashi would be last Teikou sighting of the day.

"Ah, well," Kuroko tried, and then simply shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose it was some sort of initiation."

Kagami scoffed, but said nothing more.

And then -

"...You don't _actually_ believe what all of your old teammates say, right?" Kagami needed to know.

"Like...?"

"Like me being godawful at basketball, for instance," Kagami quipped, still smarting (_internally_!) from the direct jibes.

"Of course not," Kuroko replied. "But as for the other things..."

Kagami groaned, damning the whole Teikou team to hell and back.

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End file.
